I can honestly say, now that my wedding is 10 effing weeks away and almost everything is done, that I was not a true bride until this week. Monday morning, I freaked out. I freaked out about the invitations, which are being made by FMIL (future-mother-in-law). Then I freaked out about flowers. Then I freaked out about the hair appointment. Then I freaked out about Lord only knows what. All I know is that at some point I realized that it is almost over, that I have to make any changes I want to make now, that it’s too late for a lot of changes, that I may have compromised too much to make other people happy and that the wedding I am having is not actually MY wedding.
Today, I received a call from my aunt who owns a bridal shop telling me that the alterations lady is having some serious personal problems and that she needed me to do my alterations appointment tomorrow, three weeks early. My mother drove me past the shower location which is a club house in a community that just happens to be a trailer park. These two things combined pushed me right over the edge. I cried. I cried and wrote my two best bridesmaids. I took a nap, then talked to the fiance and cried. Then my mother wrote me about how bad she feels about the shower and I knew it didn’t matter and I reassured her and felt bad for making her feel bad. Then I got a call about the seamstress having an emergency and not being able to make tomorrow, how everything is very touch and go right now, and I felt bad for being so whiny about it because obviously she is having a much harder time than me.
Do you remember being little and throwing fit? Do you remember how you would cry and yell and feel horrible for yourself until you’re all cried out. Then you get all tired and you feel bad for everyone else and you just feel miserable for being so miserable? That’s where I’m at now. Being a bride is a lot like being a spoiled little girl.