- We Should All be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
- “Princess Prettypants” by Meg Cabot
Once in a while I get into this strange mood. The only way that I can describe it is “wishy-washy.” I spent a lot of time this last week avoiding reading. I was in the middle of Ender’s Game and I wanted nothing to do with it. I couldn’t dedicate myself to reading it or setting it aside so I read a page or five here and then found myself staring at my phone. I counted on a Thursday morning read, similar to how I finished The Rest of Us Just Live Here, but a snowstorm made me leave for work early and give up most of my morning time. Finally, I put it aside on Saturday. I just couldn’t. I felt bad because it was a book club book but I also wrote an explanation of why I didn’t like it which I think can sometimes be as valuable as why I did like a book.
Wishy-washy is how I am all around right now. I’m loving my new job but I still wake up 50% of my mornings with that pit in my stomach, that knowledge that I am not doing what I really and truly want to do. This morning I am feeling like my life is rushing by and soon it will be too late. I want things. I want a family and I want to write books and I want to feel better physically and emotionally but I never do a damn thing about it. I can’t even make myself read these past couple of weeks. My brain feels fuzzy and panicked. I know that I need to do something but I don’t know what.
We finished watching How I Met Your Mother yesterday and one of the characters receives some really great advice. She says that she is lost and the guy she is talking to asks her what she wants to do. She answers him, the ever noble end poverty, and the guy tells her that from here on out every decision she makes has to be to service that goal. How simple. How brilliant. And on a Monday morning how impossible it all seems.
This week I need to spend some time working my head around things, I think. I’m not sure what that means for my reading. Does it mean that I will read less because I will be busy DOING or that I will read more because that is one of the ways I care for myself? I can’t be sure. There’s that wishy-washy again.
May you read exactly what you need this week. Lovies!