Tally Monday- June 19, 2017

Checked Out

  1. The Last Message Received by Emily Trunko
  2. We Were Liars by E. Lockhart

Bought

  1. Gwendy’s Button Box by Stephen King and Richard Chizman

Read

  1. “What is Behind” by Tomiko Breland
  2. The Yellow Wall-Paper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman
  3. Giant Days, vol. 4 by John Allison

Last Wednesday, Hubby went to his brother’s house after work to play games and I got home early from work.  LD and I were home alone and he was particularly sleepy that night.  I put him down early, 7:30, because he just couldn’t stay awake.  I was exhausted that day but I had this sense that I wanted to do something for myself, fill my cup up.  I made myself a drink and sat on the deck with my Little Black Classic, enjoying the summer and the stories and myself.

Last week I felt a little restless in my reading.  I intended to catch up on my One Story subscription, read a LBC, and then read The Blue Jay’s Dance by Louise Erdrich.  I read one One Story and then felt like I really just wanted to get into a book.  I started the Erdrich and realized that I was kind of sick of reading about being a mom right now.  I had just finished Gift from the Sea and while I feel like all of these women have important things to say about motherhood and that reading it put down in book form makes me feel a bit better about it, I was feeling a disconnect.  Yes, it is hard to be a mother and maintain a creative life.  Boy, they should try it while working full time, too.  I don’t mean to sound bitter but the balance that they are finding is not my balance.  I have to find my own.

And so, yesterday I pulled the bookmark out and tossed the book into the donation pile.

Instead I started We Were Liars by Lockhart and instantly knew I had made the right decision.  I was locked in.  I read nearly 100 pages yesterday while hungover and that should say something.  It’s a great summer book, mostly taking place on an island during the summer.  While I was reading, it just felt perfectly appropriate for this moment.  I have only 100 pages left to read and I cannot wait to finish it.  I just hope the spell isn’t broken.  Maybe I should have read it all yesterday.  Maybe I even could have.

I am having a weird morning, moving a little too slow and feeling a little too sad.  There are things in my life, things in me, that need fixing and the whole thing feels like a daunting task.  One thing I know is that books are a unique form of magic.  They will be here for me no matter what and something they even heal.  This morning, though, I found myself unable to concentrate on my book.  There’s too much in my head.  Too much in my heart.  But it won’t be like this forever.

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