- Inner Circle by Kate Brian
- Yoga for Your Mind and Body by Rebecca Rissman
It’s not here yet! Ahhhhhh!
- Unicorn Crossing by Dana Simpson
- The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight
Currently Reading: Believe Me by Eddie Izzard in audio, The Long Walk by Stephen King, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstein on Kindle, and Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight
At some point, I realize that things are falling apart. I realize it but I just kind of stand back and keep saying it’s fine, so fine, so fine that it is awesome. And I just keep doing that until one day I end up crawling to work, exhausted and a little hung over, aware that I let things go until I did something stupid and upset at myself because, seriously, why the fuck can’t I just get it together already. Never mind that in my daily life I work full time in a management position, am married and have a four month old and four cats, juggle my finances like balls of fire, and own a home which I keep in working order via cleaning, laundry, and organizing. Sometimes I cook too.
That’s a lot. Maybe I do have my shit together.
What all of this is leading up to is that I checked out a yoga book this week. And there were a number of reasons for doing so. I do a lot of things to manage my stress and anxiety and meditation and exercise figure pretty high on that list. Also, part of things falling apart at this moment is that I am larger than I have ever been besides being pregnant. And, yeah, I know that four months isn’t long but I have gained weight since going to back to work and I feel shitty and refuse to buy new clothes. But I can’t go out and work my ass off because I had a c-section. Yes, I can work out but only at low intensity and I know that because when I do anything higher intensity (not even high, just higher) it kind of feels like my uterus is going to knife it’s way out of my scar. Gross sounding, also not very comfortable.
A couple of weeks ago I tried to do a Denise Austin work out and I hurt for days. Last Sunday I got up and down too much. Yesterday I simply finished cleaning the house and ended up tender at the end of the day. I push myself, this is true.
And so, I basically want to just stretch a bit. You know?
That was a long ass ramble for that. But I don’t give a fuck. Ha! See? Because I finished that book! And, honestly, Knight’s book made me feel a lot better about stuff. I did not go through the whole process but it has been nice asking myself if I really give a fuck about something before wasting my give a fuck energy on it. So, I DID give a fuck about cleaning the house this weekend but I did not give a fuck about the Private series by Kate Brian anymore. Balance.
This morning I started reading The Long Walk in earnest. You may recall that I am trying to read all of the Stephen King books? Well, I love King but I have to admit that I have a hard time starting his books. I will be so excited to start and then when it’s time I’ll let that book sit for days before I crack it. I don’t know why. But I’m a solid 30 pages in now and I’ve remembered that I love him. Also, I’ve been having a hard time trusting the author to tell me what I need to know lately and I can even see that playing out in my own writing where I spend days fleshing out a backstory before I realized that I was telling, not showing.
Plans this week? The Long Walk, my next journal, and then The Night Circus. I swear this time! lol