Randomness- Building a Life

I think that it happens to everyone at one point or another and I think that sometimes, as in my particular case, it has happened slowly and all at once.

On the end of the Mega Super Panic Attack that went from Sunday into Monday, the MSPA that made me unable to go to work on Monday and barely able to function at all (except that I have to because baby), I was kind of losing it a little.  I sat on the couch with my husband and my baby and I looked around me and I fought back tears.

Why?

And that is always the question.

I am the happiest that I have ever been.  I have a husband who is the love of my life.  I have a baby who is just perfect and awesome, healthy and bright, a real ham.  I love my cats.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love my house.  I love my car.  I love my job.  I keep busy.  I have a passion.  I have a goal.

So, why do I feel like I am falling apart and nothing is right?

Well, I know.  It took a lot of thinking and it took a lot a lot a lot of courage to admit it.  I DID admit it, though.  I admitted it to myself.  I admitted it to LD.  Those are vital first steps.

I’m not going to tell you what is wrong with my life.  Instead I am going to tell you a little about my plan.  I am going to work toward my goals and work with my passions.  I am going to stop giving a fuck about what everyone else thinks.  I am going to start grinding it out, day after day.  I am going to work hard.  I am going to play hard.  I am going to show up and be present.  I am going to prioritize.  I am going to stop running and hiding.  I am going to do self-work and practice self-care and take the time to do the things that I really want to do.  I am going to make changes.

First, I am going to work every day on the thing I want.

Second, I am going to be more active in my daily life, physically.

Third, I am going to commit my time and energy to my husband and son.  None of this “I’m spending time with LD but really I’m thinking about/working on my ridiculous to do list.”

Fourth, I am going to spend more time doing what I WANT to do instead of scrolling.

Fifth, I am going to face the things I need to face.

Sixth, I am going to prioritize so that things actually get done.

It’s a lot and it’s a big deal and I am doing it.  It’s time to be strong, smart, and confident.  It’s time to take control of my life.

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