Boy, it has been a long time since I have done a random post here about my personal life, but I have had very little sleep and that means that I have been thinking and I want to share what I have been thinking about.
Recently I was reminded to listen. In my life, I have a tendency to shut down my intuition and just plow into whatever is in front of me without a second thought. But I also know that I have been living wrong.
I want to make changes. I have already started to make changes.
I am working on my book and I am taking a much more purposeful approach to it. I am not thinking about what will happen if I don’t succeed. Instead I am thinking about persistence.
I have been asking myself, “How do you measure a life?”
I thought about how I wanted my life to look in five years, and worked backwards from that to plan how to get what I want.
Then I took off like a whirling dervish, doing it all until I couldn’t anymore. And then I dropped.
So, here is my current thinking. I am going to slow down and focus on a couple of big things at a time. Because I am working on a lot of big things.
Right now: Write and don’t smoke.
I’m not saying that I should spend all of my money and drink every night and eat all of the food. (I had been dieting, cutting back on drinking, trying to stop smoking, writing, budgeting, trying to pay things off, barely keeping a lid on completely redoing my house.) I am also not saying that I am going to stop my little things that I do every day (meditation and focusing on a year of LESS). I am saying that primary goals are working on my book and not smoking. Maybe that means I need to eat some Doritos to get through but I’m not beating myself up over it.
And really, that’s it. There is a part of me that will always remember someone I loved and trusted turning to me and telling me that I was not hard on myself. But I don’t want to be hard on myself. I love myself and I want to do good things and have a good life and feel good.
Now it is out there in the world. That is the first step.