- 1 Year, 100 Pounds by Whitney Halcombe
- Dark Corners collection
- Be the Parent by Kendra Smiley
- Giant Days, vol 8 by John Allison
Reading What to Say When You Talk to Yourself by Shad Helmstetter (print), The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking (audio), Deep in the Valley by Robyn Carr (ebook), Teen Witch by Silver Ravenwolf (nonfiction), Bee and Puppycat by Natasha Allegri (comic), Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach, and The Empowered Mama by Lisa Druxman
Last week I started listening to the Awesome with Alison (and Eric Too!) podcast and I have since been through 15 episodes. I am LOVING it. I’ve been feeling kind of down for a while now. I would say that I have actually been depressed probably since about May. Of course, I’ve had my up spikes (like when I read The Secret) but when I look back over the summer it feels like a big, dark fog. I don’t remember a lot of it. I don’t know what happened to it. I spent most of it feeling like I needed to change. I needed to stop smoking and stop drinking and stop eating so much and stop being so stressed out and stop being nasty to people and because I wasn’t stopping any of those things I was feeling completely worthless. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” I would lament, only to feel so defeated that I would repeat these behaviors over and over again.
Awesome with Alison really did set a kind of fire under my ass, though. She’s so positive and happy and bubbly that I started feeling positive and happy and bubbly. Each episode is like a little self-help nugget and a little boost of vitamin c to my attitude. Thursday I listened to her episode about losing weight and I have tracked my calories and stayed in range every day since. I know how to lose weight. I didn’t need the help. But she suggested something that made everything click. Why do I overeat? Easy, I overeat because I feel like I deserve to for working so hard and trying so hard all of the time, but I don’t feel like I deserve the things that I actually need to feel better: a break and some quiet and some time.
I have promised to give myself some time. This week is about books and people, people and books. This week I make time to sit quietly by myself if I need it. This week I give myself permission to go to another room if I need to, even if that means locking myself in the bathroom for a few minutes. This week I am going to read to relax. This week I am going to do my best and then let it go instead of being a crazy woman. This week I live MY life by MY expectations and MY way.
In the meantime, I’m really enjoying the book I’m reading, even if I am reading it at a snail’s pace. I’m really enjoying my e-book. I just started listening to the Hygge book this morning and I am currently seeking a nice warm sweater and am completely in for cozy. I’m in a good spot and hopefully I’ll finish like 5 books this week! (No expectations, though, k?)