TBT 2007

Recently I was inspired to copy all of my books read over into a notebook.  I have been keeping track of what I’ve read since 2007, even though I didn’t start counting audiobooks until more recently.  I found it really interesting looking back at what I read and looking up descriptions and my reviews for books that I didn’t remember.  I was thinking that I would check in once in a while for a Throw Back Thursday and tell you some of the bests from my list.

And so, 2007!

2007 is the first year that I tracked so it must be the first year I tried to read 100 books.  I read 48.  When I was copying titles over, this was the year that I found most confusing.  There was A LOT I didn’t remember!  I was just finishing up my undergraduate degree and the one that stuck out the most was Hemingway’s For Whom the Bell Tolls.  I have said over and over again that I never read that book and I am fucking WRONG.

Some of the highlights of that year:  I read The Feminine Mystique for the third time and it was also the year that I read Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood.  I reread the Harry Potter series.  It was my first time dipping into Nick Hornby’s Polysyllabic Spree.  I also was reading some comics that year, like Courtney Love’s Princess Ai and Kohta Hirano’s Hellsing which I remember nothing about but I totally recognize the cover.  I also vividly remember a couple of the young adult books I read that year, like Enthusiasm by Polly Shulman and Story of a Girl by Sara Zarr.

Top 5 Books (in no particular order)

  • Polysyllabic Spree by Nick Hornby
  • Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood
  • Feminine Mystique by Betty Freidan
  • High Fidelity by Nick Hornby
  • The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemingway

Boy.  I’m lame. lol

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Changing the System!

Last night I got a little bit of a scolding.  Now, I don’t tolerate scoldings but perhaps in this case Hubby was justified.

The insomnia is out of control and yesterday I gave in and bought some melatonin, as was suggested by my nurse practitioner.

Yes, yes.  I know that I can use chamomile tea and meditation and lavender and pillow spray.  I know because I tried all of that before following a medical professional’s advice.

In the mean time, last night we watched our backlog of awesome Sunday shows (Rick and Morty, Game of Thrones, and Ballers) and then I made a cup of tea, took my pill, and sat down “to color.”  I picked up my phone and started scrolling.

“That’s probably part of the problem,” Hubby said, eyeing me.  “You should probably stop reading your Kindle in bed too.”

Did you hear that?  That was the sound of my heat breaking.

I love my Kindle and I always have something on it to read at night because it’s backlit and yeah I fucking know that means I shouldn’t use it in bed.  BUT, it never bothered me before.  That doesn’t mean that it’s not bothering me now.

As such, there has been some tampering with my reading schedule.  Instead of doing King, my book, my book, YA and my Kindle at night, I will be doing King, my book, my book, Kindle and YA at night.

Eh, it’s all about being flexible, right?

Do I Buy a Car? A Thought Process

My car isn’t paid off and I won’t get enough for it to pay it off.

I will miss having a convertible.

I cannot even put the top down that often because of LD.

It’s getting hard to navigate putting the car seat in.

I have to drive up a crazy hill this winter that the Mustang will not handle.

Sometimes I feel like I have to drive Ethyl forever because (1)she was (mostly) my dream car and (2)my dad talked me into buying her.

On the other hand, Dad would buy the new car.

Also, Dad would say, “You can roll your loan in.”

Also, Dad would say, “You can make more money tomorrow.”

What’s the point of fixing my car and then trading it in in four months if I can just trade it in now and not fix it?  I’ll probably get the same amount.

I know that I cannot keep my car much longer but I also know that I am afraid of becoming a MOM mom.

Seriously, tho.  My car is really dirty and I’d like to start fresh. lol.  #thelaziest

And it would be nice to have leather seats with a toddler and also Michigan winter totally calls for 4wd and heated seats.

Sirius radio trial.

I mean, it kind of seems logical to just buy a car…

Randomness- Building a Life

I think that it happens to everyone at one point or another and I think that sometimes, as in my particular case, it has happened slowly and all at once.

On the end of the Mega Super Panic Attack that went from Sunday into Monday, the MSPA that made me unable to go to work on Monday and barely able to function at all (except that I have to because baby), I was kind of losing it a little.  I sat on the couch with my husband and my baby and I looked around me and I fought back tears.

Why?

And that is always the question.

I am the happiest that I have ever been.  I have a husband who is the love of my life.  I have a baby who is just perfect and awesome, healthy and bright, a real ham.  I love my cats.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love my house.  I love my car.  I love my job.  I keep busy.  I have a passion.  I have a goal.

So, why do I feel like I am falling apart and nothing is right?

Well, I know.  It took a lot of thinking and it took a lot a lot a lot of courage to admit it.  I DID admit it, though.  I admitted it to myself.  I admitted it to LD.  Those are vital first steps.

I’m not going to tell you what is wrong with my life.  Instead I am going to tell you a little about my plan.  I am going to work toward my goals and work with my passions.  I am going to stop giving a fuck about what everyone else thinks.  I am going to start grinding it out, day after day.  I am going to work hard.  I am going to play hard.  I am going to show up and be present.  I am going to prioritize.  I am going to stop running and hiding.  I am going to do self-work and practice self-care and take the time to do the things that I really want to do.  I am going to make changes.

First, I am going to work every day on the thing I want.

Second, I am going to be more active in my daily life, physically.

Third, I am going to commit my time and energy to my husband and son.  None of this “I’m spending time with LD but really I’m thinking about/working on my ridiculous to do list.”

Fourth, I am going to spend more time doing what I WANT to do instead of scrolling.

Fifth, I am going to face the things I need to face.

Sixth, I am going to prioritize so that things actually get done.

It’s a lot and it’s a big deal and I am doing it.  It’s time to be strong, smart, and confident.  It’s time to take control of my life.

Tally Monday- July 3, 2017

Checked out

  1. Anne of Avonlea by L.M. Montgomery
  2. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern

Bought

None!  (But Amazon is up in another tab right now. lol)

Read

  1. Gwendy’s Button Box by Stephen King and Richard Chizmar
  2. “The Third Birdhouse” by John Biquent
  3. Archie, vol 3 by Mark Wade

Currently Reading: The Night Circus and all of my journals, 1999-present.

Last month I turned 33 and it struck me that I was at a point where there were a lot of things that I had been doing for two decades or even longer!  Like, shaving my legs, dying my hair, and keeping a journal.  That’s right, I have kept a journal more or less religiously for 20 years.  I mean, in the beginning it was pretty sporadic but when I was 16 I went through a rough patch and it was the kind of rough patch that catapulted me into a love of journaling.

So, I decided to read all of my journals over the next week because I can.  And, you guys, they are fucking hilarious.  Fifteen year old Rachael is, like, so super dramatic.  And she says the funniest things like, “I think of myself as a young Monica Lewinski.”  Why?  Because my mom took me shopping because I was sad and I felt like she was “buying me off.”  It’s pretty damn funny, right?

As far as my other reading, I loved the King and I loved the Archie and I loved the short story.  It was all really good.  And I am enjoying The Night Circus but I know that it is going to go slower than I would like it to.  So I’m just kind of avoiding it, I guess.  Hubby is listening to the audio and he seems to really like it so far, even though I am further than him.

Hopefully I get through these journals this week.  I can’t wait to read about all of the stuff I’ve forgotten.

Tally Monday- April 17, 2017

Checked Out

None

Bought

  1. Annihilation by Jeff Vandermeer
  2. Authority by Jeff Vandermeer
  3. Acceptance by Jeff Vandermeer

Read

None

TBR Your guess is as good as mine.

Another week of basking in War and Peace.  I am beginning to hate Tolstoy who has ripped out my heart a couple of times now.  And it’s hard to predict, you guys.  Sometimes a character’s story will pick back up and I’ll catch myself clenching my teeth, awaiting the oncoming disaster.  Only, the disaster doesn’t come.  The story line swerves and the character lives to see another day.  Then something wonderfully hopeful happens and I get so excited for the wonderful, happy thing to come and it doesn’t happen.  Someone takes a lover instead or freaking dies.

Touche, Tolstoy.  Touche.

This morning I caught myself wondering how he did it.  How did he make me care about these characters?  They never seem technicolor to me, though they never seem flat either.  There is just enough there for me to think of the characters as real people.  They have just enough personality to be distinct but little enough for me to paint them with my own ideas and impressions.  It’s a fine line but he walks it well.

This week I will finish War and Peace and then I will launch headlong into The Stand.  One big book to another.  I’m looking forward to it, though.  I need more Stephen King in my life.

I bought the whole Southern Reach trilogy last week because I was feeling kind of down and they are pretty.  What can I say?  There are worse habits to have.

The Podcast Problem

The other day my phone warned me that it was nearly full.

“How can that be?” asked Hubby.

I shrugged.  Then I pulled up my storage management and saw that Podcasts were taking up 35.5 GB of space on my phone.

Hubby looked at me, aghast, and said, “WTF is wrong with you?  Why do you download them?”

Easy.  I download my podcasts so I can listen to them when I don’t have a wifi connection.  I am one of those people, you know.  I connect automatically almost everywhere I go on a regular basis.  When I walk into Meijer to get groceries, I automatically connect to their network and my Meijer app pings.  I connect at home.  I connect first thing in the morning at work.  I connect at all of my friends’ houses.  I connect at the local McDonalds.  My phone is set up to use the wifi if it is available and NOT to use data, because that got us in trouble once.  (Did you know that you actually have to set your phone up like that?  Our home internet was a little slower than our iPhones liked and apparently was switching to data constantly without us knowing until our bill came.  Our wifi is faster now and we’ve learned our lesson.)

I took a day to think about how I wanted to handle the situation while I desperately cleaned out photos and apps.  See, because my Podcasts are downloaded to my device, they don’t disappear if I fall behind and something gets removed from the feed.  I can listen to them in the car without fear.  When our internet is down, I have a cache of treasure ready to go.  I never worry about not having something to listen to.

But I have fallen behind.  I know that.  I fell behind when I started this job because I can’t listen at my public desk and the work that I do at my off desk requires a lot more of my attention.  (I’m bad with numbers and I manage a budget.)  I listen to audiobooks in my car because I am also behind on my TBR list.  I just don’t have as much time to listen anymore.

And so I made a decision.  I am going to finish up the Ramona series on audio, which should not take long, and then I will transition into my Podcast listening through maternity leave.  I planned on listening to podcasts then anyway because they are right on my phone.  In the meantime, I’ll keep up with my regular listening around the house.

This morning I added up how many podcasts I have downloaded.  1170.  Fucking seriously.

Now, on the other hand, Hubby had me change the podcast in his car the other day and I said, “Don’t you have it downloaded.”

“No,” he answered.  “I just stream mine.”

I looked at him, aghast.  “WTF is wrong with you??”