Self Care and Stopping

Today I returned both of my audiobooks.


For the past couple of days, I have been trying to listen to myself and do what I actually want to do.  Monday I just wanted to get stuff done and that was fine.  I wanted a beer while dinner cooked and that was fine.  I wanted to make my mom’s pork chops and I did.  Tuesday I wanted to take my time and do some thinking.  I wanted to drink some wine and read.  Sometimes I get so caught up in what NEEDS to be done that I forget to experience joy and I forget to ask myself what I want.

I want a break from audiobooks.  I want to listen to some podcasts and music.  For the month of October, I’m going to do that.

Sometimes the best form of self care that I can do is just stopping.  Stopping the madness.  Stopping the running.  Stopping the relentless chipping away at lists.  When I stop, I have a second to think and breath and consider.  When I stop, I become human instead of machine.

Because I have been stopping, I have been reading.  It’s been wonderful.

I once read something that said, “To have more time, lose track of it.”  This has proven to be true over and over again.


Tally Monday- September 24, 2018

Checked Out

  1. Knocked Out by My Nunga-Nungas by Louise Rennison
  2. 10 % Happier by Dan Harris
  3. Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones




  1. Jay’s Journal by “Anonymous” aka Beatrice Sparks

Reading: The Perks of Being a WallflowerDeep in the ValleyMore Hours in My DayNeuromancerSimple AbundanceThe Empowered Mama

Today I spent half of the day chasing down medical help.  Saturday night I did something to myself.  Something.  I mean, it wasn’t anything that made any impact on me.  Right around the time I ate dinner, I don’t even know if it was before or after, my chest started hurting, as in my ribs.  When I took a deep breath it hurt.  I suffered through but by Sunday morning the pain had localized in my lower right rib and the top of my shoulder and it was the most intense pain that I have experienced in my life.  On my way down to the urgent care this morning I cried just because it was so damn painful to sit in the car.  Waiting rooms.  X-rays.  Waiting rooms.  And all I did was slip my top rib and all I can do is take ibuprofen and wait.

At home I fell asleep for hours, tired from not sleeping well last night and crying to much today and hurting.  I almost didn’t make Tally Monday after I promised that I would.  But, look you guys, I was just having this Talk with myself.  I am tired of feeling so miserable and I have to do something about it.  Like, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  I’m not working out hard enough or eating healthy enough.  I’m drinking and smoking too much.  I’m wasting my time instead of reading and writing like I should.  Sometimes I wonder what I could produce if I worked on more than one page a day, considering how impressed I am with what I produced like that.  Anyway, I am injured today and can’t work out and I get that.  It’s just that if I keep doing the same things, in five years I’ll be the same person.  And I want to be a way better version of myself by then.

Maybe you noticed that reading was in the pile of junk I need to do more of.  TRUTH!  Friday I excitedly made my fall reading list and I have this giant pile of books and I just want to make my way through them.  Easy as pie.  So I read in the waiting room and the doctor’s office.  I read in the parking lot while I waited for the clinic to open.  At home I told myself that I would finish my book by the time I went to pick up Little Dude.  I finished it!  My next short story is ready to go.  My next book is ready to go.  I am fired up.

I’ve also decided to invest some time and thought into narrowing down my television watching. What I mean by that is that I just want to watch one thing at a time until I finish it for a while.  Then I don’t spend an hour wondering what to watch and flipping between apps.  So, right now, I am finishing up X-Files first.  I have a couple of things I’m watching with Hubby, too, and I am not counting those.  I’m like two or three episodes away from finishing Sharp Objects.

Jay’s Journal was a slog.  A number of times I thought about putting it down but it was a short book and I kept telling myself that it was a quick read.  It wasn’t and it was pretty poorly done.  It was very anticlimatic too.  I wasn’t satisfied when it was done.  At least I can tell everyone about the Beatrice Sparks thing.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower is a reread and I may not go through with it.  We’ll see.

And that’s about all I have to report right now.  My shoulder is starting to hurt again and it’s time to get LD from daycare.

A Follow Up

Hey, do you guys remember Monday?  I know, I know.  It probably feels like forever ago.  I mean, I know that my life has been eventful since then.  In that one day sandwiched between Monday and Wednesday (Tuesday, if you’re following along) I completely lost my voice, went to the doctor, was diagnosed with bronchitis, and also had, like, a pretty great day for being sick.  What did I do with my day?  Well, I made myself rest!  I took my chair out under my tree and read.  I laid in bed and read.  I took a nap and read.  I read.  I read a lot.

And so, I was just writing to let you know that I have solved my problem.

As of Monday night, I decided to go back to my complicated reading system from the beginning of the year.  Currently:

Book I’m Reading: The Customer is Always Wrong by Mimi Pond
Nonfiction Book: The magic of Believing by Claude M. Bristol
Poetry Book: The Best Loved Poems of the American People
EBook: The Arabian Nights
Audiobook: The Dead Zone by Stephen King, and then back to my series
Inspirations: Simple Abundance and Chicken Soup for the Soul daily, Empowered Mama monthly.

Yes, it’s spread out and tangly and all of that but, you know what?  Just making the decision and getting back to it has made me feel way super better.

Also, I have a review coming for you today!

The Waffle Iron Story

I haven’t been living my best life.

See, I’ve had this birthday money for a couple of weeks now and it’s just been floating around in my purse while I decided what to do with it.  Of course, that means that it was slowly whittling away.  I used it when I went to Salvation Army on my birthday.  I used it to buy some stuff for my bonfire.  I even used it to buy pizza for Hubby’s Father’s Day dinner.  I had halved it and I was officially doing my best to ignore it.

Sunday night, I was laying awake, looking at the ceiling, and I realized that I could use a little bit of that money to make a big difference in my life.  You could even say that it would be fulfilling a lifelong dream…  Excited, I got up in the morning with some pep in my step, regardless of my shitty sleep.  I got ready and left for work early.  I went to Meijer.

And I bought a waffle iron.

Okay?  So, what’s the big deal with a waffle iron?  When I was still living at home but was starting to cook a little bit more, I wanted a waffle iron but my mother, who is not a big fan of kitchen gadgets or unnecessary clutter, told me I didn’t need one.  When I moved out and moved in with my ex, I wanted a waffle iron but my ex, who loved meat and relied mostly on a rotisserie and an electric skillet, told me that I didn’t need one.  In my own house there is barely any space in the kitchen, so when my husband told me I didn’t need a waffle iron this time I agreed mostly because I didn’t want to find a place to store it.  Then last week I came across a recipe that needed a waffle iron and yet again was struck with a longing and this time I made the decision to just do it.

$20 and suddenly my world is full of possibilities.  Not just waffles, but toasted sandwiches and potato cakes and toasted raviolis.  Not just a waffle iron but all of those other things I keep telling myself I don’t need or can’t have.  What if that thing that I’ve been dreaming about IS TOTALLY POSSIBLE.  Yes, this is a side effect of all of these self-help books but it is literally a life changer for me.

Another thing:  A few months ago I was confronted with the assertion that the universe is like a catalog.  Anything you can think of, you can ask for it.  Even as my attitude was changing and improving and my happiness was growing, I was laid low by the idea that I no longer had any dreams.  You know, my head space was the day to day.  I was in the game of getting up, going through the morning grind, dropping the baby off, working, picking the baby up, making food happen, and then trying to get the house together for the next day.  I wasn’t unhappy.  I was completely indifferent.  I was just struggling to get things done.

But I’ve been learning that abundance breeds abundance.  The more that I have practiced dreaming, the more dreams I have.  The more that I have taken the time to notice the beauty in the world, the more beautiful things seem to happen.  The more I spend time loving the people in my life, the more love I have to give.  And, yeah, I sound like a total pukey woo-woo self-help dirty hippie, but I don’t even care.

A waffle iron is just the beginning.

A Quick Update

Hey All!

I fully intended to get out my usual Tally Monday this week but I went on vacation and decided not to take my laptop at the last minute.  I could have done it from my phone but I hate that so I decided to have a combined TM next week.

Vacation also got me thinking a lot about what I want out of life, through no particular fault of its own.  So often I feel like I am running in circles.  So often I feel overwhelmed.  I miss having coffee on the back deck and I miss just sitting and being quiet.  I know that there are a lot of things outside of my control right now, especially with a baby in tow, but I know that I have to make some changes in my life.

I need to get rid of stuff and make my house more livable.

I need to stop ordering books through the library.

I need to cut back on my Podcast subscriptions.  (I’m up to 62)

I need to start budgeting.

I need to stop spending so much time on busy work and get back to the things that are important to me and ACTUALLY ENJOY THEM:  My family, my friends, my cats, books and board games and records.

I need to sprinkle my days and weeks with simple pleasures.

And I need to start right now.  Today.

I can’t wait to TM with you all next week!

I have a problem.

Here’s where I am at present:

This morning, when I was leaving the house, I left with a stack of books.  Now, part of this was that I had a book to return (that I actually can’t remember why I even wanted to read it in the first place) and I also didn’t get to do my morning readings but knew that I would have time in the car.  So, I carried my morning stuff (Q&A Journal, Simple Abundance, and my old journal), the book I was returning, and my work bag (currently holding The Graphic Canon, vol 2, Empowered Mama, The Feminine Mystique, Road to Riverdale, AND Stalking God).  And then I went back for Chicken Soup for the Soul.

You guys.  I need to just commit.  I need to just sit down and read a damn book until it’s done.

At work, I was feeling squirrely and unsettled and I was thinking it might have to do with these books.  Plus, I am like so damn close to finishing my audiobook right now!  Then, our adult librarian called me over and offered to let me listen to an audio that hasn’t been processed yet of a book that I AM FREAKING PSYCHED FOR.

And now I am dying and bursting at the seams and soon books are going to explode out of me like candy from a pinata.

Stop, drop, and read.  That’s what I need.

A Barrage of Reviews

So, last week I was forced to push my way through some books.  The problem is that while I was reading I was a little too brain dead to review.  It was more important to me to keep on pushing through those books and get them done in time for the Battle of the Books, which is tonight!  I did it, dear reader, and now it’s time for me to catch up on this other little bit of paperwork.  For the next few days, I will be posting book reviews to catch up.  I make no promise on quality but I do intend to set one to post each day until I am caught up, excluding Monday when I’ll do my usual weekly post.

How is my reading this week?  Eh.  Tuesday night Hubby went to bed early and I stayed up with a big cup of chamomile tea and finished the book I was reading and a short story.  I didn’t start my next book until this morning and only managed a couple of pages.  Honestly, Battle of the Books feels like a big hill I’m cresting and now I’m going to shoot right down the opposite side and blast you with a bunch of self help/spiritual book reviews.  (Seriously.  My next three books are The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes, Basic Witches by Jayla Sexana, and Stalking God by Anjali Kumar.)

Get ready for some reviews!