Tally Monday- August 7, 2017

Checked Out

  1. It’s Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty by Judith Viorst

Bought

  1. Emitown, vol. 1 by Emi Lenox

Read

  1. It’s Hard to Be Hip Over Thirty

Reading The Long Walk by Stephen King, Emitown vol 1, Get Your Shit Together by Sarah Knight, Believe Me by Eddie Izzard, and Fat is the New Thirty by Jill Connor Browne

At the moment, I am on the cusp of a lot of things.  And by that I mean that I am about to finish the Eddie Izzard autobiography.  That feels cuspy to me.

Do you ever wonder why you don’t do the things that you want to do?  Really.  I mean, I had ample opportunity to read this weekend and a bit last week too but I never took it.  Even last night once I finally relinquished control of the remote to Hubby under the pretense of reading.  I got ready for bed and made a cup of tea and settled in on the couch and screwed off.  I looked things up.  I talked to Hubby.  I stared off into space.  Eventually I just went to bed, thinking that it was the TV distracting me.  But once I was in bed I couldn’t concentrate either.

Lately I am just feeling vastly disappointed in myself.  Seriously.  Like, why can’t I just pull my ass together and get on with things?  Why is it that even when I am doing the things that I think will make my life easier I feel like I am just fucking off? Why is it that I am home, sick, today and I’ve only read two pages when I laid down for a nap this morning?  What is wrong with me?

It IS hard to be hip after 30 and it’s hard to have it all and do it all and not lose your mind.  I’m sure that I’ll get in gear here soon.  I WANT to read and write reviews and actually have something positive to say.  Stick with me.  I’ll figure it out soon enough.

Podcast Tuesday- August 1, 2017

Podcasts: 1095

I’m going through a thing.  What?  I am willing to admit it.  It’s just that I have become aware that I am not particularly happy with my life at present.  It’s difficult to untangle because I do LOVE my life.  I LOVE my husband and baby and cats and family and friends and house and even my job.  But I spend every day feeling like this isn’t actually the life I want, feeling like I am trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, feeling like I don’t actually get much joy and that nobody, not even me, asks me what I need.  Maybe it is the curse of being a woman and feeling responsible for, say, everyone’s happiness.  Where is my own?

With these thoughts, I’d like to lead you into a podcast that I listened to this morning.

It was probably a year ago that I discovered the Fat Feminist Witch Podcast.  Around the time that I found out I was pregnant, I began to wonder about a lot of things.  One of those was religion.  Hubby is decidedly against organized religion and unsure of any larger entity or meaning to life but willing to debate.  I am, well… Ugh.  I was raised Christian and went to church once in a while with my grandma or my cousins.  My mother is a spiritualist and my father was a “recovering Catholic.”  At age 12 I started poking around at Wicca and by 14 was calling myself a witch and a Pagan and was practicing.  My parents were always supportive.  To be honest, I found a lot of happiness in Paganism.  I felt rooted and strong and faithful but it fell to the wayside.  Why?  I just got lazy, first, and then I went through my existential period and then it just seemed hard to get back into.

I asked Hubby what religion we should raise LD in, Hubby answered, “Paganism.”  And I realized that I was so far out of it that I needed something easy to just get me tied back in.  With a name like Fat Feminist Witch, how could I not listen??

And I loved it from the start.  I listened as they came out and eagerly awaited the next.  One thing, I don’t usually listen to interviews so the last few episodes have been skipped.  I don’t like the sound quality of interviews on a lot of podcasts and I’m fine with missing these.

For the month of August, she talked with the creators of a #30daymagicalrootschallenge that can be found at Plentiful Earth.  I listened this morning which was perfect because I am going to attempt it.  Day one is divination which is perfect because I really felt the need to put my hands on some cards today.  I sat down this morning with my tarot and pulled a card for the month.  A small step, but a great one.

We all have ruts.  We all have funks.  And I’m ready to break out of mine.  How about you?

Tally Monday- July 31, 2017

Checked Out

  1. Inner Circle by Kate Brian
  2. Yoga for Your Mind and Body by Rebecca Rissman

Bought

It’s not here yet!  Ahhhhhh!

Read

  1. Unicorn Crossing by Dana Simpson
  2. The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight

Currently Reading: Believe Me by Eddie Izzard in audio, The Long Walk by Stephen King, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstein on Kindle, and Get Your Sh*t Together by Sarah Knight

At some point, I realize that things are falling apart.  I realize it but I just kind of stand back and keep saying it’s fine, so fine, so fine that it is awesome.  And I just keep doing that until one day I end up crawling to work, exhausted and a little hung over, aware that I let things go until I did something stupid and upset at myself because, seriously, why the fuck can’t I just get it together already.  Never mind that in my daily life I work full time in a management position, am married and have a four month old and four cats, juggle my finances like balls of fire, and own a home which I keep in working order via cleaning, laundry, and organizing.  Sometimes I cook too.

That’s a lot.  Maybe I do have my shit together.

What all of this is leading up to is that I checked out a yoga book this week.  And there were a number of reasons for doing so.  I do a lot of things to manage my stress and anxiety and meditation and exercise figure pretty high on that list.  Also, part of things falling apart at this moment is that I am larger than I have ever been besides being pregnant.  And, yeah, I know that four months isn’t long but I have gained weight since going to back to work and I feel shitty and refuse to buy new clothes.  But I can’t go out and work my ass off because I had a c-section.  Yes, I can work out but only at low intensity and I know that because when I do anything higher intensity (not even high, just higher) it kind of feels like my uterus is going to knife it’s way out of my scar.  Gross sounding, also not very comfortable.

A couple of weeks ago I tried to do a Denise Austin work out and I hurt for days.  Last Sunday I got up and down too much.  Yesterday I simply finished cleaning the house and ended up tender at the end of the day.  I push myself, this is true.

And so, I basically want to just stretch a bit.  You know?

That was a long ass ramble for that.  But I don’t give a fuck.  Ha!  See?  Because I finished that book!  And, honestly, Knight’s book made me feel a lot better about stuff.  I did not go through the whole process but it has been nice asking myself if I really give a fuck about something before wasting my give a fuck energy on it.  So, I DID give a fuck about cleaning the house this weekend but I did not give a fuck about the Private series by Kate Brian anymore.  Balance.

This morning I started reading The Long Walk in earnest.  You may recall that I am trying to read all of the Stephen King books?  Well, I love King but I have to admit that I have a hard time starting his books.  I will be so excited to start and then when it’s time I’ll let that book sit for days before I crack it.  I don’t know why.  But I’m a solid 30 pages in now and I’ve remembered that I love him.  Also, I’ve been having a hard time trusting the author to tell me what I need to know lately and I can even see that playing out in my own writing where I spend days fleshing out a backstory before I realized that I was telling, not showing.

Plans this week?  The Long Walk, my next journal, and then The Night Circus.  I swear this time! lol

Podcast Tuesday- July 25, 2017

Podcasts: 1084

I feel like I should be walking around with my hands behind my back, whistling innocently.  Who hasn’t been listening to podcasts?  Not me!  I’m a perfect angel!

Last week at one point I got caught back up on the ones I had fallen behind on again and started in on the next one on my list, On Being with Krista Tippet.  It felt good.  I look forward to knocking out On Being because for some reason it shows up like three times in my “storage use” list and it takes up TONS of space.  If I just catch up, I’d probably free up a lot of room.

But I have two audiobooks out and Hubby and I have been just hanging out around the house and we all know that I don’t listen to podcasts while he’s around because I listen to his podcasts or him.

I had been meaning to take a short break after my current audiobook to play some listening catch-up but then I had apparently already ordered my next audiobook.  Again, library things get out of control with me.

You know what I should do?  When it’s nice out and the baby has gone to bed, I should take my phone and my coloring book outside and just sit at the deck table and color and listen and maybe even have a beer.  Doesn’t that sound divine?

I love this little Tuesday thing I’m doing, making excuses for just not doing something that I really want to do.  It’s real indicative of my life. lol

Tally Monday- July 24, 2017

Checked Out

  1. Anne of the Island by L.M. Montgomery

Bought

  1. The Well-Read Witch by Carl McColman
  2. Emitown, Best of 2009 by Emi Lenox
  3. Emitown, vol 1 by Emi Lenox

Read

  1. Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts
  2. Emitown: The Best of 2009 by Emi Lenox
  3. Journals, October 2002-March 2003

Currently Reading Unicorn Crossing  by Dana Simpson, Believe Me by Eddie Izzard, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck by Sarah Knight

On Friday I gave you my excuses for not keeping up with Graphic Friday very well and I promised that I would do my best to read that 400 page book on my Kindle by this Friday.  I picked at it here and there, read a page or two at work and a couple while I fed LD and some in bed before I napped.  I was really enjoying it!  I was settling in!  I was thinking, “I have pages and pages of this and it’s formatted so that I can’t track my percentage read and I can just go with the flow!”  I laid down last night and picked up my Kindle.  I switched it on and settled in for a little reading before bed.  I read one page, two… and then it was done.

“WTF?!” I exclaimed and I started frantically clicking around and trying to figure out what happened.

What happened:  When I bought the book on Friday, I got onto Amazon and typed in “Emitown, vol 1” and it took me to the glorious “407 pages!” Volume One.  I noticed that the Kindle version was ONE 99 CENTS!  Like, that’s amazing!  So I clicked on the Kindle button, bought it, downloaded it, and got started.  HOWEVER, upon closer inspection this morning, when you click on the Kindle/Comixology button it takes you to the Best of 2009 collection which is only 39 pages long.  In fact, it looks like the 407 page volume doesn’t actually exist in ebook form.  Doh.

Needless to say I purchased a used copy of the paperback this morning.

I’ve done a pretty damn decent job of catching up after my accidental library book explosion.  At present I have two audiobooks, one ebook, and one physical book out.  I am settling back into my rotation and I am excited to do so.  Today I plan on finishing Unicorn Crossing and diving into my next journal.  My next YA book is waiting for me to check out and it is a continuation of a series that I forgot I was reading like a year ago.  This will decide whether or not I continue the series.  After that, Stephen King!  Then back to the Night Circus as my main read, even though I am currently going to be reading it at night.

There is a trail of half read books behind me and I kind of want to clean house.

Also in Rachael Reading World, I should finish my current nonfiction book, The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck, on Friday if I don’t do that thing where I just finish it because I am so close.  I cannot decide what to read next.  Hubby bought me a book about authors behaving badly and I want to read it because I want him to know that I really appreciate it.  I also what to read Knight’s Get Your Shit Together, which is something that I have always wanted to do, and The Happiness Project by Gretchin Reuben because I’ve been meaning to forever and also whatever happens to be the first NF book in my never ending list.

Like I’ve said, I’ll never run out of things to read or watch or listen to.

A Note of Graphic Fridays

So, last month I introduced the idea of Graphic Fridays where I would read a graphic novel and write a little review of it.  I did three and now I’m on my third Friday without a graphic review…

This is not the end.

Indeed, it is just life.

Basically, this has been the run of events:  The first Friday I missed, I started reading The Unwritten but I had a migraine that would go one for six days.  I didn’t finish reading it that day and saved it for the following week…  Which was last week when I was in a wedding on Friday and, thus, was not even thinking about books.  Finally, we have today.  I tried to finish The Unwritten but I don’t really like it so I returned it and moved on to my next comic which is… 400 pages long.

Oi.  Maybe next week, kiddies.

Where the Heart Is by Billie Letts

I don’t think that there is a book nerd of my age who didn’t, at one point, decide to read the Oprah Book Club books.  Y’all, I worked in a library and had no idea how to navigate the adult fiction section and they just seemed like easy picks.  I didn’t even watch Oprah.  Never in my life have I watched a whole episode of the show.  But I had a printed list of the book club books and I was going to read them.

I read Where the Heart Is when I was in high school and really it was kind of the perfect pick.  I actually read it for an English class where we got to pick the book we wanted to do our report on and when I asked to read Stephen King I was given this instead.  Of course I liked it.  Of course one of my favorite teachers would force me into reading something so not Goth that I would love.  I decided to re-read it earlier this year when I was pregnant because it just seemed like a good book to read during that time.  I mean, at least there was a pretty good chance that I wouldn’t be having my baby in a WalMart.

It’s a good book.  You know how sometimes you try to read something popular and it feels like you are reading something that’s just poorly written?  I didn’t feel that way about Where the Heart Is then and I don’t feel it now.  It has the ability to suck you into this little town where the characters feel real and you can’t help but want to know about their lives.

Where the Heart Is is the story of Novalee Nation who is seventeen and seven months pregnant when we first meet her.  She’s going to California with her boyfriend, Willy Jack, who is going to get work with a rail company only his real plan is to have an accident and collect a settlement, like his cousin who lost a thumb.  When Novalee needs to pee, Willy Jack stops at a Walmart and gives her a little bit of cash for some shoes and then leaves her there.  Novalee takes up residence in the WalMart but by the time the baby is born she has already found her way into the hearts of some new friends.

I really do like this kind of book, this small town quiet story of a life as it snowballs.  Also, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I almost cried at my desk while I finished this one even though it didn’t seem like I should be crying.